Living in Europe isn’t as cracked up to be

The common notion of somebody from an impoverished country is that to live in the western side of the world is of extreme luck and privilege.  Some would even imagine that life in Europe in particular is glamorous — surrounded by great architecture, culture and of course, more money. Although these are true, it’s not a life in paradise.

You’re probably thinking, “What are you complaining about?” I say, this won’t be my rants against inconveniences I’ve experienced here in The Netherlands but things I’ve noticed that other people from my country do not see or conveniently overlook.

Hands down, I’m an admirer of the structured Dutch ways. Highly efficient to a fault. Although the same structure I admire is suffocating and limiting in so many ways. For example, with the exception of big cities like Amsterdam and Rotterdam, commuting will try your patience over and over and over and over again. The bus only comes once or twice within an hour so if you miss it, then your whole commuting itinerary is ruined; you’ll probably miss the next train or bus and eventually be late for school/work/appointments. Moreover, the Dutch’s quest for perfection is highly evident in its continuous construction or reconstruction of its roads and train stations. So if they’re repairing, you really have no choice but to run your ass off to make it on time.

Admittedly, what I earn here in Euros is about 60 times more than my country’s currency. Not bad eh? Well sort of…until you deal with the cost of living, expensive insurances (all types that you can think of) and makes-your-wallet-bleed taxes.  Granted that local consumer products are generally of quality, there is good coverage of insurances and you get back part of what you pay for taxes annually. What is overlooked though is that these same quality products are waaaay cheaper in NL’s neighboring countries such as Germany and Belgium. Moreover, some of these products are imported from impoverished countries like mine where child labor is prominent.

Great! I sure hope you fashionistas enjoy your branded clothes and shoes because they’re stained with a hundreds of children’s blood and destroyed dreams. Good on you all.

Insurance, specifically medical insurance, here is tops. You’re sick and you’ll be taken care of without the fear of expensive bills but until the time you actually need it, the fees of your medical insurance will milk you dry every month.

Taxes do maintain beautiful NL (and its roads and its train stations :P). Although they have a system here that provides financial assistance when you’ve lost your job and when you’ve lost everything. That’s incredibly helpful but there are those who abuse this system. Due its loopholes, some get access to this financial help without ever working at all. So basically the working taxpayer pays the bills and lazy, unemployed-by-choice feed off of them. Great great great.

What’s also noticeable is how the Dutch government seems to splurge away taxpayers’ money by being so generous in helping countries in the European Union such as Italy and Greece, when its own people can barely keep up with the constant inflation and their barely evident salary raise. Agendas anyone? Moreover, the Dutch are pussies (excuse my French) when it comes to enforcing the law on foreigners due to their constitutional law against discrimination. Fuck! It’s not discrimination when the perpetrators do actually commit the crimes irregardless if their race and color! The Dutch have become too scared and too lenient, so said perpetrators just play with the discrimination card when they’re caught then get away with everything. I know the Dutch just want to make amends for their dark role in slavery centuries ago but come on! You’re being raped by the very culprits you try to protect. Not to mention that if these felons do get convicted, it is literally luxurious to stay in Dutch prisons.

So you might ask, “Then why are you still living there?” It’s because even if these are injustices, these injustices are evident in many shapes and forms all over the world. I try to get by and just live. I’m here anyways, I’m going to make most of my life and the best of my situation… wherever I may be. What else is there to do?

I hate bicycles

What is the one thing in the Netherlands which outnumbers human beings? Cows? Sheep? Close – the answer is bicycles. It is admittedly the easiest and most convenient form of transportation, from grocery shopping to bringing the kids to school to making that quick getaway from a pursuer on foot. In fact, the image of a Dutch person merrily cycling along a random dijk is the very epitomy of all that is true and Dutch. Any self respecting person in this lovely country has upwards of one bike, and loves it to bits.

Except I don’t own one. And I definitely don’t love bikes. Don’t look at me with that “omg-she’s-so-not-integrated” look either. I love kroketten, stamppot and pea soup, which is more than a lot of Dutchies can say. I just hate bicycles and they hate me. This mutual revulsion was discovered early on in my childhood, when my well-meaning dad tried to get me on at the tender age of five. Mindful of all the falls and skinned knees, when I could choose if I wanted to ride a bike, I chose no freaking way. Don’t get me wrong, I can ride. I just don’t want to. And watching how people ride bikes in this country, I’m sure I’ve made the right choice.

I’ve been told that cyclists are taught and expected to follow the same road rules as motorists do. I call bullshit. People on bikes do not give a damn about the road, pedestrians or anyone else. Who else can get away with riding in the wrong direction, squeezing in through traffic and completely ignoring traffic lights? I’ve had people pushing their bikes onto the junction as far as their front wheel, and then stopping and looking expectantly at me. Why bother stopping at all, Your Royal Highness? I can’t get past your bike and you know it. Please, go ahead while I screech to a halt on a road where I have the right of way. Don’t worry about me, I’m sure my heart will calm down, eventually.

Boy, do bicycles make me nervous. Driving in a big city with narrow roads with tons of people on bikes on all side of me leaves me twitching and in tears. People appear out of nowhere, and then glare at you if you dare to get in their way. A motorist can show his intimidating horse power on the highway, but all drivers turn into little mice when confronted with the almighty cyclist. They have the right of way in any situation and they know it, fuck those little pictures they show you at driving tests. A cyclist could be riding in the dark, without lights on, wearing dark clothes, texting, iPod at full blast, all the while riding on the wrong side of the road, but as a motorist, if you hit him, it’s your fault. Un-freaking-believable.

So, now, both bicycles and cyclists scare me. It is all the driving aggression that Dutch people have, combined with their self-righteous attitude because the road, obviously, belongs to them*. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I will never ride a bicycle in this country. I would be too shit scared to even pedal off, let alone ride to the store or daycare. I can never be that intimidating Dutch pedalist and I’d like my bones unbroken at the end of the day, thanks. Call me “allochtoon” all you want. It ain’t happening.

* This is an absolute fact. I’ve experienced more road rage here than anywhere else I’ve ever driven, except maybe in NYC. People with big cars flash, beep and tailgate if you are in their way, and it is the businessmen in their Audi’s and BMW’s that are the worst of them all. I have become more aggressive myself, just to survive. 

All about sharing

I had the radio on the other day, and heard an ad for the American show “Sister wives” – the controversial reality show about a man and his four wives. He says, “I fell in love. Then I fell in love again, then again!” The show is supposed to be quite interesting, touching on the very touchy subject of polygamy. I mean, it is illegal almost everywhere, so interestingly Mr. in Lurve is only legally married to one, while being “spiritually married” to the other three.

Ummm Right.

Who am I to judge? Different strokes for different folks right? But then it got me thinking. This is obviously polygamy in the modern world (and probably these are not the only ones). What about polyandry in the modern world? If a man can “fall in love” with 4 women and have kids with them in the grand old states of America, why can’t women do the same with more than one man?

Think about it for a minute. What is a modern woman looking for these days? Let me tell you -perfection, to the despair of all. He should be gentle, sensitive and kind, yet manly enough to provide support, happiness, enough money and more. So why not find all that…in 4 men instead of one? Want a sensitive shy man? Sure, have dinner with Mr Metrosexual, then snuggle up with a chick flick on the TV. Want a manly demon in bed? Well then Mr. Stud for company tonight. Want the chores done? Talk to Mr Fix it all. Cheeky? Perhaps. But tell me, does it really seem all that mental??

So what about kids? Obviously one of the major advantages is that one man can have many many kids with 4 women, a way of making sure his genetic material persists into eternity. Obviously a single woman would not be able to have this high number of babies on her own (unless your name begins in”D” and ends with “uggar”). But remember, sperm compete. Only the best of the best of the best (times a trillion) gets through the many barriers an egg poses. In this race, the best man wins, literally and in the end, the woman gets the best offspring she can. Quality over quantity folks. Think about it.

And guys? There is something in all of this for you too. You know how sometimes you just need to be alone in your man cave but she just. won’t. shut. up. Well, anytime you need your alone time, shove her off to one of your brother husbands, and voila! Peace!

But you know, we all know if a man has more than one woman, he’s a stud. But if a woman…. you get the idea. So alas this shall never be in the “real” world. It’s a nice thought though, although having more than one husband might turn out to be a pain if all of them turn out to be arses. So then you just get another 😀 What a dream!

PS. there are many instances of polyandry, practiced in the ancient world as well as in some remote regions of the world today. Cool huh?!

Goodbye, innocent souls

92 people died yesterday in Norway. Some idiot decided he needed to make a point by killing a whole lot of innocent people. I like how they say the victims were “innocent”. Like they couldn’t be anything else. There could be a serial killer in there and he’d still be called an innocent victim because some fucking idiot decided to forcefully end his life. Maybe I am going off on a tangent just to disguise my bitterness at the whole damn idea of someone engineering a mass murder, with a quick and easy way out of justice. It happened in Germany, Belgium, even in a sleepy little town called Alphen in the Netherlands, and now Norway. I think it is moot to ask the question “Why”. There cannot be any kind of rational explanation why someone even thinks of taking someone else’s life in cold blood, even if it is rational for him. We won’t get it. So you killed x number of people because you hate the world. Well welcome to life, asshole. On the other hand, does it really matter why? The Norwegian culprit is in custody, and I’m sure he thinks he is making sense. I hope they publicly flog his balls with a mace, everyday for a month. Shit.

And in conspicuously smaller type, as second-in-chief headline (at least on BBC), Amy Winehouse has passed away. She was only 27. I know everyone is thinking exactly how unsurprising it is that she is dead, in lieu of her wild lifestyle and struggle with drugs + alcohol. It’s still bloody sad, considering how incredibly smooth her voice was. When I first heard “Rehab” I remember thinking OMG! The blues are back! Shades of Billy Holiday! She single handedly brought jazz and beehives back into the mainstream, and for this I say, Kudos, Amy, for using your voice instead of your body to sell music, and for not giving a damn about what people thought.  She wasn’t  beautiful, she wore her hair in a strange way, she had tattoos and she didn’t give a fuck. She had the voice of an angel and she wanted the world to know it. When Amy won her awards, I felt there was hope yet left in a music industry that insists on regaling us with commercialized, plastic stars singing shit rate songs instead of real singers/song writers. But hey, such talent comes at a price, and her own demons are probably what got her in the end. The world made fun of her as she stumbled around, dazed and bombed out of her mind, taking pictures and saying holy shit, look she’s mental! The Daily Mail’s story is hypocritical in its neutrality, considering how they derided her in almost every story they ever did. It hardly matters now. She’s dead, her mother is probably sad but not surprised, along with the rest of us who will wonder morbidly “Over dose? Suicide? … Murder?”

We’ve senselessly lost a lot of innocent lives for in these two days, and it proves that demons still exist in our midst. We are not immune.

5 signs she thinks you are a doofus

Why didn’t I think of the girls though? To the men folk, women folk are just this huge hazy never-ending mystery maze of makeup, perfume and PMS. So especially for you, the Boys, here’s how to tell if she’s just not that into you. I’d know, I’m a woman you see.

 

No. 1: She looks puzzled after your best ever pickup line.

Here’s how to tell if your little speech worked. Scenario 1 – She looks away shyly, smiling, blushing, unable to meet your eyes = SCORE! Scenario 2 – She looks at you like you are a fucking lunatic = Yeah. That didn’t hit any sort of bulls eye. Anywhere. And you should be able to tell the difference, unless you are a catatonic mainlining heroin, so please, save your dignity and move on. And for God’s sake, think of a new and improved conversation starter.

 

No. 2: She and her friends burst into giggles when you approach.

Here’s another nugget of wisdom boys. Whether you like it or not, girls talk. A lot. They compare notes and details about everything with their bestest friends whenever they get together for drinks, shopping or a manicure. So if she doesn’t think you are all that, her girlfriends don’t either. So it’s probably best to avoid that entire circle because you aren’t going to get anywhere with any of them. Sorry kiddo.

 

No. 3: She tells you pointedly your hair style sucks. And your clothes are out of style. And your breath smells.

Girls can be really bitchy, I’ll grant you that. If she doesn’t like you, she will not hesitate to tell you exactly what you are doing wrong. (Note – If she does like you, she will do that anyway, but then only after you commit.)

 

No. 4: She’s biting her lip trying not to smile as she searches for her clothes after your big night of passion.

Granted that during the process, it is rather difficult to ascertain if she is faking it if she is as good as Sally in a diner with Harry. I wonder if even girls can tell if other girls are faking it. However, the true gauge of your performance is how she behaves the morning after, or even the moment after. Short of holding up score cards, here is the deal. If she is smirking, and leaving, then she will probably never grace your bedside again. She will be too busy talking gleefully to her girlfriends (#2) and…..

 

No. 5: She makes a list on her blog and you are somewhere on it.

Especially if the title has the words “worst”, “hell”, and “never again” on it.

 

So there you have it. Hyde, peace out, for real this time.

5 Signs He’s Crazy About You

Men problems, there’s no straight female soul on earth who hasn’t got ’em. So to all martyrs out there waiting for him to call, this article is dedicated to y’all (hey that rhymes!). OK sorry, got a lil’ distracted. Back to the article.

If there is one thing I’ve learned growing up with sweet-talking Casanova’s is that when guys are serious and in it for the long run, they give it their all. There are no excuses, no boundaries, nothing can stop them from being with you and that’s number 1 on the list.

No. 1:  There are no excuses for him to not be with you.

It’s cliche but it rings true: “If there’s a will, there’s a way. ” Double hell yeah and amen to this. If a guy is smitten, he’ll definitely find ways to be around you and spend time with you. Techniques vary between types of guys, of course. Some are shy and most likely will think of a school/work-related question to ask you and some are less discreet. The latter shamelessly stares and smiles at you at lot (they might believe in Jedi-Mind-Tricking you until you say, “I want you, too.” 😉 Trust me, rain or shine, busy or no, if he’s crazy about you, he’s gonna be with you no matter what. No bro’s before ho’s even.

No. 2: His eyes and cheeks have it.

If the guy is attracted and interested, his pupils dilate then his cheeks fill up with a lighter shade of crimson. His eyes will barely leave you or he finds difficulty looking at yours. But if he’s not as interested or only has lukewarm/I-kinda-like-you feelings, he’ll be cold, distant and slightly bored. Don’t make excuses to yourself and say, “Maybe he’s just tired” or “That’s probably his personality.” I say, bullshit. Unless he’s a trained spy who can curb his natural bodily reactions or a professional human dildo, his body can’t lie. So if his pupil dilates, his cheeks get all pink and he’s nervous like he had way too many cappuccino’s, he’s hooked on you 🙂

He blushes when you're around.

No. 3: He can’t help but wanting to touch you.

Uhm not in a perv way, so no boob-grabbing or ass-spanking but in a more gentle way. A guy who’s crazy about you will subtly touch your shoulder or rub your arm or hold your hand to assist you if needed. He’ll think of reasons to give you a hug or a kiss on the cheek e.g. birthdays, New Year’s, maybe even Groundhog Day. Believe me, under these not-too-invasive touches is his unbelievable self-control to not dip you in his arms like Clark Gable in “Gone with the Wind” and melt you away with his kisses and embrace.

No. 4: He puts you first.

When he listens, he genuinely listens to your stories and/or problems.  He doesn’t just dumbly nods his head in agreement but pro-actively reacts to what you tell him. What matters to you, matters to him. No grey area there. I won’t even elaborate this because he  either does care or he doesn’t. Yes, period.

No. 5: He shares.

Thoughts, feelings, food and embarrassing childhood memories, he will share them, believe me, when he’s nuts about you. Of course, he’ll be all macho-like and will try to impress you initially but that’ll change. He’ll want something more profound with you, more of a connection because he wants you in his world.

So before analyzing every moment with him and twisting it into your own reality because you’ve become so desperate, read the above guidelines. There’s no deciphering needed. If he’s crazy about you, he won’t wait for a couple of days to contact you nor would he be too busy; he’s just gonna be there.

Hyde here, out.

How to be a good mother

Jekyll’s take on motherhood

A close friend of mine once remarked, “Giving birth is the easy part. Once you realize there is no instruction manual, the fun begins.” When my daughter was born, I struggled to regain control by ordering a few parenting books, hoping to find that perfect instruction manual for my little newborn. I was surprised to discover the huge diversity of parenting philosophies, and even more astonished at how many of them suggest going back to basics, like using cloth diapers, long term breast-feeding and co-sleeping. I remember wondering if my generation had advanced at all since my mother raised me the same way. Two years later, after figuring out my own precarious balance, a French feminist called Élisabeth Badinter published a book called “The Conflict: The Woman and The Mother”. Ms. Badinter asserts that the world is embracing a new form of motherhood that keeps women at home, chained to their children, husbands and household. She says “ ‘Good motherhood’ imposes new duties that weigh heavily on those who do not keep to them. It contravenes the model we have worked for until now [and] which makes equality of the sexes impossible and women’s freedom irrelevant. It is a step backwards.” In other words,  society once again values the role of women as mothers more than as workers, and this is against the ideals of feminism.

We are live!

The Jekyll and Hyde blog is now alive! Let the fun and games begin! 🙂